Summer flings: breaking girls’ hearts since the beginning of time. That is, unless it’s a rebound.
After ending my three-year-long relationship, I sought out the man who has been hitting me up for the past five years.
After all, there is no better time than summer to go back to your secret hookup.
I went into this fling with Mr. New York slightly delusional, wondering if it would become something more this time despite our flings always following the same pattern: flirt a little, something happens between us, then crickets.
I couldn’t help but wonder if he had changed in the past four years since we last talked, or if he was still the charming and sexy, yet nonchalant and emotionally unavailable man I once knew.
Unfortunately yet unsurprisingly, he was, in fact, the same person he was at 16. Despite this, I made the best of it. I surprised myself with my ability to keep all feelings out of the equation—probably due to my newfound aversion to relationships.
However, I still am yet to understand how men will always act interested until they get what they want from you. I’m now at the point where I know the drill and know not to get emotionally attached, but it’s always jarring how the effort level can change in the blink of an eye.
What was once asking about my day, consistently flirting and quick replies turned into hours on delivered and only speaking when he wanted something.
A piece of advice to all the men out there: keep the effort up because nothing will turn a woman off faster.
My best friend, let’s call her Miss Florida, and I share everything, including our summer fling experiences. She had also just gotten out of a three-year relationship this past summer, and was looking for something casual to help her move on.
That’s where British Man came in, and Miss Florida let her feelings get the best of her.
“Leading up to the hookup, I thought that’s what I wanted, and I didn’t realize that’s not actually what I wanted. I couldn’t handle that until after it had already been done. So for two weeks after, I just was beside myself,” said Florida.
Despite the heartbreak, Miss Florida does not have any regrets.
“I learned so much about myself. I’m really a relationship person,” she said.
Summer flings with a college man can only have two endings as the leaves begin to turn and the air gets cooler: he either ghosts you or hits you up every few months for pics.
Unfortunately, Florida experienced the former: she got ghosted.
“Flash-forward, spoiler alert: that’s exactly what happened. And I knew he was going to do that from the very start,” she said.
Relationships are simply not a possible outcome of the summer fling—if you’ve ever made it happen, I applaud you.
I, on the other hand, recently experienced what I knew was coming: the notorious picture aimed at the sweatpants—a classic for any man under 25.
While any sane woman would run as fast as she can, I have never been sane in my life. That’s all I will be saying about that.
Men come and go, but the lessons they teach you about yourself are forever. A summer fling can be the perfect amount of fun to round out the college experience.
For those who may be considering a summer fling in the future, here are my top three tips to keep it casual and fun:
- Don’t let your feelings get the best of you. I’ve done it in the past, it’s much better without the heartache.
- Know your worth and don’t be afraid to stick up for yourself. If you’re not being treated right, call them out respectfully but firmly. If they don’t respond well, it’s time to let them go.
- Be safe and be smart. The world doesn’t need any more Taurus men.
After this series of events, I am now taking applications for hot single men between the ages of 19 and 23. Send all inquiries to @uvmhottiefinder regarding the “sexy Cynic columnist.” Maybe you’ll get a column written about you, too.
