Culture Staff’s 100 word rants
February 12, 2020
Evan Peck
Between the last time I went skiing and the next time I go, there will be a generation of ski babies born that will whiz past me. Born to wealthy parents, these young park rats begin shredding as soon as they can stand. In no time, they are tormenting below average skiers with their amazing speed, skill and complete disregard for others. Please, lil’ X Games prodigies, when you are old enough to understand the self-esteem problems you cause my brother and myself as your two-foot-tall body hops off a jump, have mercy. But for now, stay gnarly, little snowballs.
Natalie Charron
It seems so unfair that the students who live on other campuses are taken directly to their dorms via late-night CatBus while the residents of Redstone are forced to walk from Patrick Gym. After a night out with my friends on the other side of campus, the last thing I want to do is endure a walk from the gym to my dorm. The sub-zero temperatures at 2 a.m. are enough to make me never want to go out again. Redstone campus is a highly populated area and several students always accompany me on my walk to Coolidge hall, but none of us are ever happy about it.
Anna Kolosky
Why are Ugg boots still a thing? I thought Ugg boots stopped being a socially acceptable piece of footwear in 2009. Why are they still here in this new decade? I can understand wearing Ugg boots or slippers around your house or if you’re injured, but why do people still wear them in the snow? They’re not winter boots at all. They get filthy and destroyed after a few wears and they’re not supportive. They also have no traction, so you’ll slip on ice if you wear them during the Vermont winter. Ugg boots? More like Ugh boots.
Jean MacBride
Hey Mike Bloomberg, why did you start your Burlington campaign rally at 12:15 pm? Do you only want seniors to come? By the way, my mom only came to get merch for Aunt Alice. She keeps calling you Blumberg, but you should still get her to run your campaign out of her senior living complex. She wants to assemble an army of 80-somethings to chase your opponent out of the White House for you! All you have to do is take a left turn off of the Jersey turnpike and lead a 9:00 a.m. chair yoga session in the rec room, and she will do the rest.
Emma Adams
UHeights has a bunch of fancy stuff: pool tables, RAs who really care, private bathrooms and elevators. But, alas, the average UHeights plebeian cannot get an elevator pass. I have to take off my parka and scarf to walk up 88 flights of steps, as I live on the fourth and final floor. Kids fake broken femurs to be granted elevator access, and that is ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to risk dropping my oat milk jugs down the stairs and I shouldn’t have to construct a disability, either. #PassesForAll.
Alicia Wolfram
I cannot be the only one who mid-homework gets rudely interrupted at 9 pm by a grumbling stomach. The dining halls close at 8 pm, the time of day most college students come out of hibernation. The time between a normal dinner time and bedtime of a college student is longer than the time between any of our other meals, so it’s no wonder we are starving by the time we retire for the night. While many students take advantage of “Late Night” at the Grundle, for students on any campus besides Athletic walking 15 minutes at 10 p.m. in Vermont temperatures isn’t exactly inviting. Staying open even one hour later would be enormously appreciated. Yours truly, hungry students of UVM.
