The “sexile:” a six-step guide to getting your room back

Allie O'Connor, Assistant Culture Editor

In a poll of 88 UVM sophomores, 45 percent of them stated they had asked their roommate to leave the room so that they could have sex.

On the other hand, 72 percent answered that they themselves had been sexiled. Emma Pinezich

Thirty-three percent of these students said they’d been sexiled overnight, unable to sleep in their own bed.

Here’s what to do if you find yourself looking down at a sock on the doorknob.

Let’s be realistic, it won’t be that long.

Being sexiled isn’t really a huge deal. Sex and intimacy are important parts of relationships for many people, and in college, privacy is in short supply. Your roommate is understandably just trying to get some (pun intended).

Patience, padawan. This isn’t some “Fifty Shades of Grey” marathon-length private time. You’ll be back in your room pretending nothing happened soon enough. Just make sure you have shoes, keys, your Cat Card, your phone and something to keep you busy while your roommate and their significant other(s) get down to business.

Know where you can go.

Be it the library, a dining hall or a friend’s room, there are plenty of places to hang out when your dorm room isn’t an option.

I said it before, but make sure you have everything you need before you leave the room.

You might head over to a friend’s room only to find they aren’t there, and since you didn’t put shoes on or grab your Cat Card, you’re stuck wandering the hallways and common rooms of your dorm for the foreseeable future.


Coming home from a long day of school and work to a locked door, knowing your roommate probably has their significant other(s) over, isn’t always fun.

It might be awkward to bring up at first, but a little embarrassment between the two of you when asking for a heads up can save you from a very awkward moment down the road.

Who knows? They might forget to lock the door, you might not think to knock and the next thing you know you’re all scarred for life.

Be it a quick text, a sticky note or the good ol’ sock on the door handle, a little notice is never too much to ask for.

Say no.

Picture this: It’s almost 1 a.m. You’re in your pajamas, further into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s than your homework. Your roommate calls your name.

You look over to see your roommate and their significant other already in bed, giving you a sheepish look. “Can we have the room for a bit?”

You weren’t exactly looking forward to spending the night in a common room. What can you do though? Say no?

Pretty much, yeah.

Though your roommate might feel a little miffed, your room is a shared space. It’s inconsiderate of them to expect you to be so considerate. They need to respect you just as much as they expect you to respect them.

RAs all day.

This is not anyone’s first choice, I know. But if you’re finding yourself spontaneously sexiled more times than not, and talking to your roommate about it isn’t really working, it is time to bring in the big guns. Residential Advisers are trained to handle situations just like this, and believe me, your case is never the oddest or most embarrassing they’ve seen.

Is your roommate going to be mad? Probably. But your room doesn’t belong exclusively to your roommate, and they need to respect that.

Still here? Yikes.

The RA isn’t helping. You’re finding yourself sleeping on your friend’s floor six days out of the week. You’re so angry you can’t look your roommate in the eyes.

Time to go.

I’m all for conflict resolution, but if the above statement sounds like your situation, it sounds like you need to seriously consider getting a room swap.

You can sign up for a room switch online, or maybe ask if your roommate has a friend that you could swap spaces with body-for-body.


All in all, you need to advocate for yourself. It’s good dorm etiquette to give your roommate some privacy when they ask, but as stated before, your roommate needs to respect you as much as they want you to respect them.