The Vermont Cynic

First-year declassified school survival guide


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Entering college as an introvert can be tricky, especially if you’re coming from out-of-state with no familiar faces around. Luckily, I’ve devised some handy tricks to make sure you get the best out of your investment.

Hopefully you knew the first step started way before the first day of school at orientation. The introvert’s goal at orientation should’ve been to make sure everyone ended up with a great first impression of them.

By requesting your orientation leader do several more ice-breaker activities than they planned, you would have given yourself multiple opportunities to talk about yourself in front of a large group of strangers.

That should’ve ensured everyone remembered something about you – good thing you employed your excellent public speaking skills to win them over!

If you missed this step, no worries. Get on the right path by making your room the hangout room! Always leave the door open, with music blaring and people coming in and out as they please.

Let them look at all of your decorations, and maybe even share your poetry and art with them. The depth of these works will completely expose you, leaving you vulnerable to their critique and opinion.

But that’s completely fine, because you’ll be forming lifelong, intense connections with all those people!

Don’t know how to make those solid connections? Easy. Only do things in group settings.

Any time you go out, make sure there are at least fifteen other people joining you.

The only foreseen issue with this tactic is that, as an introvert, you don’t like being the center of attention. You’ll have to be extra loud to command attention in a setting of 16 people, so try yelling!

After a few hours, you might start to think this isn’t where you belong. Well, that’s nonsense and there’s no reason for you to head home.

One way to avoid giving in to this impulse is to give your key to your transient roommate in an effort to limit your access to alone time in your room. This will ensure you make the most of your day until at least 2 or 3 a.m.

Is your roommate a homebody? No problem. Join Greek life! This way, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll never be left alone, in silence or with nothing pressing for you to do.

Furthermore, it’ll actually kind of be your job to talk to people, host parties and be more involved with the community than you previously thought possible!

And it’s never considered “work” when it’s something you love doing.

Truly, as an introvert, you have many opportunities to express your personal characteristics. I myself have implemented all of these techniques, and integrated them fully into my personal life. I can attest to each of these strategies – I don’t even need a therapist anymore!*

*This statement has not been evaluated by the American Psychological Association and is under review for legitimacy.

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First-year declassified school survival guide