In the words of Elliott Smith: they want you or don’t.

This is a motto to take with you into any romantic endeavor. Let’s move past waiting double the time to reply, carefully planning out every text and reading way too much into every detail of the Snapchat they finally sent you after being left on delivered.

Mixed signals are clear ones: They’re just not that into you. 

Situationship culture has normalized constantly being confused about what is happening between you and another person. 

However, the idea of being with a person often seems better in our heads than it turns out to be in real life. 

It makes sense because we have grown up with a plethora of books and movies that lead us to romanticize the person we have a crush on, falling for the idea of someone rather than the person themself. 

Romanticization and desire can turn into delusion about a person and their intentions. If you trick yourself enough, you just might be able to convince your brain that they like you as much as you like them.  

When I had a crush on a boy who would not give me the time of day, I read way too much into any text he sent me and any shift in his tone of voice. He would give me lots of attention one day, then radio silence for the next week.

I let the desire of wanting this person to like me back mislead me. 

I needed to take a step back and look at the situation from the outside. When I did this, I realized that I had to let it go and accept that he just wasn’t that into me. 

People who are worth having in your life will make an effort to spend time with you and talk to you. Time is one of the most valuable resources we possess, and spending it on someone who won’t give you a second look is a terrible way to waste it. 

I’ve always approached relationships in the past with clear expectations: I like this person, this person likes me, we go on dates, we start dating. It all seemed very straightforward. Luckily, that is how it went for me in my first few relationships. It was easy. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it isn’t always that simple. I had an arrogant view of relationships and would get frustrated with my friends who were having more trouble than me. The reality is that relationships as young people are often one big knot of complication and confusion. 

Listen to your friends when they tell you the guy who Snapchats you once every four days is not that into you or that the girl who constantly flakes on plans doesn’t really care about you. Your friends usually have your best interests in mind. 

Taking an outside view of the situation, regardless of how you personally feel, can be enlightening. 

People deserve to be told the truth about where their relationship status stands. 

I’m not saying you should go around telling every person you like that you like them, and I’m not saying to expect that from others either. I just think we should be able to receive clarity in some sense, not a jumble of mixed signals that need to be decoded. 

No one deserves to have their feelings played with by someone they’re interested in, no matter how great they may seem in theory. 

Maybe they’re afraid their feelings won’t be reciprocated, and that’s why they’re not being clear. It is difficult for a lot of people to put themselves out there and be vulnerable towards a new person.  Or perhaps two people are already friends and one is afraid of messing it up. I know I have been.

Regardless of how anxious you feel, have the common decency to be clear to others and have enough awareness to realize when someone is stringing you along.

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