Swine spotted in classroom

It was just another 11:30 a.m. class on a Tuesday. Chairs screeched in protest as students took their seats while the professor scribbled a few illegible notes on the board. With all the hustle and bustle of changing classes, I was fairly confident that this was going to be a good lecture. Extracting my notebook, I turned 30 degrees to my right to see a girl sit next to me. To her monstrously proportioned sunglasses and general I-have-no-idea-where-I-am” expression, I gave my softest, most reassuring “Hi” and went back to writing the date on my paper. Then the day took a turn for the worst. Before the professor could even begin with an introductory statement, my hungover neighbor whipped out her laptop, cell phone and wooly mammoth-sized bag of pretzel crisps. I glanced down at her sweat pants and Uggs to confirm that she had prepared for the ultimate home movie experience, and indeed, she had only forgotten the Milk Duds. Things only got worse. Amidst the crunching, slurping, texting and Facebook-stalking, it was simply too much to bear. Clenching my fists, I turned and gave her my I-eat-humans-for-breakfast scowl. Unfortunately, she was far too ensconced with the CW Network homepage to notice the glares from everyone in our row. Why did this swine come to class at all if she took two lines of notes and spent the rest of the time looking at celebrity photos? She would have been much more comfortable in her room, hidden from view. Although there was nothing on the class syllabus banning food consumption in class, classroom etiquette is much like British constitution — unwritten, but nonetheless abided by. The bottom line is that no matter how famished you are, eating in class is both rude and disrespectful. First, you distract everyone with your crinkly, crunchy noises, and then to top it off you make everyone’s stomachs collectively growl during the lunch they all are missing. If you are about to keel over, then go out into the hallway and stuff yourself there instead of wreacking havoc in the classroom. So, here is my humble request. Let’s keep the UVM classrooms classy and professional and not treat them like trifles of entertainment. In the end, the experience will be better for everyone.