If you’re looking for a lover this February and don’t know where to begin, start by paying attention to what ticks people’s clocks.
The primary love languages, coined by marriage counselor Gary Chapman, are physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and acts of service.
Most of you have already internally nodded your head at the idea of at least one of these — or maybe none of these appeal to you and your shriveled-up heart barely beats.
Physical touch: the clingy ones
If you’re a cuddler, you long to be physically close to others, or even if your parents never hugged you, you may fit into this category. I know I sure do.
A person’s relationship with physical contact starts in their childhood.
A child who is rarely hugged by their parents or has experienced uncomfortable physical contact may either grow up to have a rough relationship with touch or crave what they never had, according to an Oct. 18, 2024 NeuroLaunch article.
Still, there are many people whose childhood experiences with touch have been positive, so physical closeness continues to be assuring for them, according to the NeuroLaunch article.
Not everyone is comfortable with touch. If being physically close to your Valentine is the key to their heart and works for you, remember enthusiastic consent and then get touchy.
Quality time: the sentimental ones
For quality time lovers, it doesn’t matter the location — Home Depot, the DMV, jail — it’s all about presence. The activity doesn’t need to be elaborate; it only matters that you’re together.
Although there may seem to be nothing outwardly romantic about being in the presence of another person, the underlying desire for connectedness is what fuels quality timers’ hearts.
The pitfall of quality timers is that the absence of a loved one may leave them feeling isolated, according to a March 11, 2024 VeryWellMind article.
If you’re trying to get close to a certain someone who speaks this language, show up for them and stay in the moment. Only then may their heart be yours.
Words of affirmation: the poets
If you construct elaborate tapestries of diction, you may not be just a yapper, but a poet.
If you want to put those poetic skills to use, you may like to hear that many people appreciate some elaborate language now and then.
Many adults who struggle with self-doubt feel a greater sense of self-esteem through verbalized affirmations, according to a Dec. 7, 2021 Cleveland Clinic article.
Words of affirmation enthusiasts are easy to please. If you’re trying to steal their heart, pick up your pen and start writing those love letters.
Acts of service: the caregivers
For these people, cooking, mending someone’s clothes, helping a friend with a difficult task or running errands is how they express their love for others. Seeing someone smile is their largest reward.
Likely, acts of service lovers are those who need to be cared for the most.
If you notice that there’s a particular friend who serves as the group’s “therapist” or caregiver, make sure you’re giving them what they need too.
Still, it’s likely that simply accepting a small act of kindness and helping hand from them would make their heart skip a beat, especially in the season of love.
Gifts: the collectors
Gift lovers often get a bad reputation, as people frequently misconstrue their love of things for materialism. For these collectors, though, every little trinket is a piece of every person they’ve loved. Gifts symbolize the connectedness of the relationship.
Price is unimportant. Gifts are often valued so heavily because they are tangible, physical manifestations of someone’s love and sentiment, according to a Jan. 24, 2024 SimplyPsychology article.
If you’re trying to link up with a collector, just be attentive, take some time and give them something special that makes them feel known. They know that if you wanted to, you would.
The best way to communicate with a crush is to speak a language they understand. If you take this information to heart, someone may give you theirs.
