At 15 years old, my brother Jake came into my room one night and confessed through tears, “I don’t want to be like dad.” 

Toxic masculinity became a tangible force for me in that moment. 

As his older sister, I couldn’t help but think about the weight of Jake’s words.

It’s preached online by figures like Andrew Tate, who has built a massive following through videos and podcasts that measure a man’s worth in wealth, physique and power.

Wanting to understand the pressures young men face and to better empathize with my brother’s experience pushed me to explore masculinity on campus. 

In college, the fraternity scene is often pointed to as the epicenter of toxic masculinity. 

Lucas Silva, a new member of Alpha Gamma Rho, explained that the fraternity scene often pressures members to conform to a certain image of masculinity, one where they must appear strong, never show weakness and avoid talking about emotions.

Even in Silva’s quest to shrug off stereotypes of what manhood looks like, the idea that weakness is the presence of emotion and strength is the absence, is ingrained in fraternity culture.  

Some of the new members, he said, may even feel the need to change their personality around the brothers in order to fit in, which he described as unhealthy.

“You’re ultimately putting a mask on,” Silva said. 

However, Silva noted that his experience in AGR has been more supportive than he expected and feels that it breaks the typical fraternity stereotype.

UVM’s men’s club rugby team shares this sentiment, despite being a sport revered for demonstrations of sheer physical strength and brute force. Emmet Moeykens, a club rugby player and the president of UVM TV, talked about how he successfully balances both spaces in a way that allows him to authentically be himself. 

“You can be a rugby player, you can be into writing poetry. You could be into anything, and that doesn’t make you any less of a man,” he said. 

Moeykens added that the culture of his team reflects this mindset. 

“We’re not afraid to show affection to each other, to celebrate with each other, or to be sad with each other if one of us is just having a bad day,” he said. 

Not every environment encourages this kind of openness. 

Without an inclusive societal approach to young men that engages them, we allow space for the amplification of misogynistic rhetoric from manosphere influencers like Andrew Tate.

So, I wondered why UVM seems to be doing manhood right. 

It may be due in part to support systems on campus like the Men and Masculinities Program, located in the Women and Gender Equity Center, which, according to its website, provides a space for open dialogue to help students explore their understanding of masculinity in ways that align with their values.

Evan Cuttitta, who leads the Men and Masculinities Program, explained that UVM’s culture is already shifting toward more inclusive and supportive forms of manhood. 

“I firmly believe that fraternities, sororities and sports teams are strong partners in our efforts to improve the belonging of male and masculine-identifying students,” he said. “These groups are seeking this support because they want to leverage their roles to bring positive change on campus.”

I may never understand the pressures my 16-year-old brother will face as he grows older and begins to figure out who he wants to be. 

However, my attempt to put myself in my brother’s and other men’s shoes left me feeling hopeful that they will define manhood for themselves.