The Vermont Cynic

Four ways to better your Halloween

October 28, 2015

1. Don’t under-think your costumes. Every year I see the same avoidable mistakes at Halloween parties. Many groups try to do a theme costume which works well in pictures, but ends up being horribly confusing once even one person in the crew isn’t immediately around.There’s just nothing more ann...

BuzzFeed refashions culinary industry

Daltrey Burris

October 21, 2015

World-renowned winner of the Iron Chef award, Javier del Toro, stated last Thursday that the key to his culinary success was Buzzfeed’s online cooking videos. “I had always been on Facebook a lot, it was usually boring but I felt like I had to check it,” del Toro revealed. “Yet one day a person ...

There isn’t a man in your shower

Daltrey Burris

October 14, 2015

There’s not a man waiting behind your shower curtain waiting to kill you. Why would there be? That would be a terrible place to murder you in cold blood. If you’re about to shower, you’ll be naked and vulnerable with nothing to defend yourself. You won’t have a pocketknife or a gun or even your absurdly ...

First-year reinvents himself as slightly different loser

Daltrey Burris

September 30, 2015

UVM first-year student James Gleeson has quickly and purposefully changed his image in the first few weeks of college. Desperately trying to rebrand himself from “the kid even the teachers bullied,” Gleeson believes his transformation has allowed him to become the gregarious, social butterfly he’s ...

UVM to hold ticketed orientation

UVM to hold ticketed orientation

Daltrey Burris

September 24, 2015

For the first time in Vermont history, the University of Vermont has offered its incoming first-years the chance to be denied entrance to a gathering. Eschewing the universally lame idea of including all of the undergrads, the college has decided to make its parties a bit more exclusive to really get ...

Big hands responsible for cancer, university finds

Daltrey Burris

September 10, 2015

Last week medical scientists at Johns Hopkins University released the reports of their latest long-term experiment. Through repeated trials it was shown that participants who had a larger hand length than their face, were statistically more likely (p=.0012) to develop some form of cancer in the next f...

Five ways to be an NBR pickup artist

Daltrey Burris

April 28, 2015

The yearly Naked Bike Ride is once again upon us and, with it, all the excitement and potential for a new hook up. Here’s some simple tricks to help you get into someone’s pants, figuratively speaking. 1. You are what you eat. The best way to look your best and garner that sweet, sweet sexual validation ...

Yik-Yak, ho!

Daltrey Burris

April 21, 2015

“Any cute girls trying to hook up in the library?” He leaned back into his chair, satisfied with his most recent attempt to get the ball rolling. Mike Sherman wasn’t new to this game. He’d done this plenty of times before. His dad always told him the secret to picking up girls was using a wi...

Metrosexual group wants to join LGBT

Daltrey Burris

April 14, 2015

BURLINGTON, VT— In the last few days, an unlikely group had expressed its outrage toward the LGBTQA association, short for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer and ally. The group, which was formed to provide support and protection for atypical sexualities and identities, now has a myriad of...

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