The University of Vermont's Independent Voice Since 1883

The Vermont Cynic

Four ways to better your Halloween

October 28, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion, Opinion Editorials

1. Don’t under-think your costumes. Every year I see the same avoidable mistakes at Halloween parties. Many groups try to do a theme costume which works well in pictures, but ends up being horribly confusing once even one person in the crew isn’t immediately around.There’s just nothing more annoying than explaining you...

BuzzFeed refashions culinary industry

Daltrey Burris

October 21, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion, Opinion Editorials

World-renowned winner of the Iron Chef award, Javier del Toro, stated last Thursday that the key to his culinary success was Buzzfeed’s online cooking videos. “I had always been on Facebook a lot, it was usually boring but I felt like I had to check it,” del Toro revealed. “Yet one day a person I sorta knew from high school post...

There isn’t a man in your shower

Daltrey Burris

October 14, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion, Opinion Editorials

There’s not a man waiting behind your shower curtain waiting to kill you. Why would there be? That would be a terrible place to murder you in cold blood. If you’re about to shower, you’ll be naked and vulnerable with nothing to defend yourself. You won’t have a pocketknife or a gun or even your absurdly pointy Toyota Tac...

First-year reinvents himself as slightly different loser

Daltrey Burris

September 30, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion, Opinion Editorials

UVM first-year student James Gleeson has quickly and purposefully changed his image in the first few weeks of college. Desperately trying to rebrand himself from “the kid even the teachers bullied,” Gleeson believes his transformation has allowed him to become the gregarious, social butterfly he’s always dreamed of growi...

UVM to hold ticketed orientation

UVM to hold ticketed orientation

September 24, 2015

For the first time in Vermont history, the University of Vermont has offered its incoming first-years the chance to be ...

Big hands responsible for cancer, university finds

Daltrey Burris

September 10, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion

Last week medical scientists at Johns Hopkins University released the reports of their latest long-term experiment. Through repeated trials it was shown that participants who had a larger hand length than their face, were statistically more likely (p=.0012) to develop some form of cancer in the next five years. The experimenters di...

Five ways to be an NBR pickup artist

Daltrey Burris

April 28, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion

The yearly Naked Bike Ride is once again upon us and, with it, all the excitement and potential for a new hook up. Here’s some simple tricks to help you get into someone’s pants, figuratively speaking.1. You are what you eat.The best way to look your best and garner that sweet, sweet sexual validation from strangers ...

Yik-Yak, ho!

Daltrey Burris

April 21, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion

“Any cute girls trying to hook up in the library?” He leaned back into his chair, satisfied with his most recent attempt to get the ball rolling. Mike Sherman wasn’t new to this game. He’d done this plenty of times before. His dad always told him the secret to picking up girls was using a wide net, and Mike was using ...

Metrosexual group wants to join LGBT

Daltrey Burris

April 14, 2015

Filed under Modest Proposals, Opinion

BURLINGTON, VT— In the last few days, an unlikely group had expressed its outrage toward the LGBTQA association, short for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer and ally. The group, which was formed to provide support and protection for atypical sexualities and identities, now has a myriad of locations around the United ...

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