BuzzFeed refashions culinary industry

Screen Shot 2015-11-01 at 8.33.24 PMWorld-renowned winner of the Iron Chef award, Javier del Toro, stated last Thursday that the key to his culinary success was Buzzfeed’s online cooking videos.

“I had always been on Facebook a lot, it was usually boring but I felt like I had to check it,” del Toro revealed.

“Yet one day a person I sorta knew from high school posted a video about a pizza grilled cheese. That was it. The ambient music entranced me, while the sped up melting of butter and spreading of marinara seemed to stimulate every cell in my body; my heart was pounding like a pair of shoes in a washing machine. Then came the money-shot,” del Toro said.

Javier paused to lick his chops, then quickly resumed. “They slowly pulled the sandwich apart to reveal the ooey gooey cheese inside, and my mind became numb to all but the consuming waves of gluten-based pleasure,” he said.

“Ever since that magical moment, I knew what my calling was — to master this art and share these comely comestibles with the world,” del Toro said.

The success of this tech savvy prodigy took the world by storm, leaving other top chefs like Bobby Flay, Anthony Bourdain and Jiro Ono scrambling.

Not only did del Toro become the first restaurant owner to achieve a four Michelin star rating, but he also turned the largest profit ever recorded from a single establishment. When asked about his secrets, del Toro answered, “I dunno, it’s pretty easy to make money when all your recipes call for five ingredients tops and take about a minute to make.

“Anything with butter and sugar is good. You can’t make this shit wrong,” he said.

Gourmands everywhere continue to rave about this culinary revolution, hopefully ensuring the continued creation and proliferation of Buzzfeed’s incredibly inventive and groundbreaking videos.