The Looper: Ending with a draft

I’ve written quite a few of these columns in my time at UVM and, you know what, it’s been pretty fun.

I get to write about (usually) what I want to, how I want to and (luckily) when I want to. It usually came down to a Sunday morning or afternoon and this piece is no different, except it’s my last one.

And I am at a loss for words. It was a weak week in sports, by my estimation, which isn’t helping me reach my word count. I had thought that for my last go-around I might have a little bit more to say than normal but, uh, maybe I’m just spent.

It must be time to move on – to greener pastures, as they say.

So, I’m wondering, why didn’ I get drafted this weekend? Don’t publications and publishing houses and news Web sites hold drafts? No? Crap.

The last thing I want to talk about this week is the NFL draft, even though it’s what made me wish I’d have been drafted into my next place of journalistic employ.

I mean, the draft is the biggest story and event of the week but in actuality it’s nothing but a glorified version of what we all did at recess in grade school – it’s televised coverage of picking teams, bogged down by teams spending their entirety of time “on the clock.”

[Speaking of being on the clock, I’m writing this and my managing editor (read: sports editor’s boss) is nagging me to get this in to my boss (sports editor). This is a pretty great gig.

Why am I leaving again?] But seriously, let’s get back to the problem at hand, Mel Kiper Jr.’s hair (maybe ESPN keeps it that way?).

Kiper’s `do is seriously topping the list of worst sports-TV personality hair, right up there with Barry Melrose’s mullet (property of ESPN), Scott van Pelt’s ever-shortening buzz cut (also ESPN) and Craig Sager’s suit (that, is pure TNT).

Kiper should be put on the clock to either get off the air or get to a barbershop for a trim.

My only question is why does he get more face time than all of the actual draftees combined?

He’s ESPN’s NFL Draft Guy. If we think this out rationally, let’s ask, what event is bigger and more important, March Madness or the NFL draft?

OK, now lets figure out why Kiper gets time every week from September through April, while the March Madness guys get just March? Really?

That’s my beef with Mel Kiper Jr., but then we get to the draft itself. It’s basically two days of watching people speculate and talk about decision-making, spliced with highlight tapes.

It might be interesting if we actually got to see the footage of team representatives yelling at each other and making the picks.

I’d like to care, but it’s going to be awful hard to root for Indianapolis even with them picking my boy Mike Hart in the sixth round. Sorry, but I’ll stick to watching football games, not drafts.

I’ve got my word count now, time to go, I’m out – an undrafted free agent.